IF YOU’D TOLD ME a few years ago that one day my social life would consist of going to a discussion about money and failure, I’d have pictured a bleak future. But here l am, watching four women speak about their lowest career moments – and I feel empowered. At the event, The Power Of Quitting– started by Naomi Oluleye, a communications manager at Bumble – nothing is left unsaid: quitting big jobs, being underpaid and being very well paid.

For women, it’s been hard enough to get to the top. But now we’re questioning whether we even want to get there. In the past six years, Sheryl Sandberg has given us the term “jungle gym” to replace the tired “career ladder”, explaining, “There’s only one way to get to the top of a ladder, but there are many ways toget to the top of a jungle gym.” In her book Thrive, Arianna Huffington writes about redefining success “beyond the two pillars of money and power”, and journalist and podcaster Emma Gannon destigmatises “multi-hyphenates” who hold down more than one job in multiple industries at once.

These all push against the idea of success as a singular destination – that if you work hard enough, you’ll get there and you’ll be happy. The problem with this “dream” is no one knows what a let-down money and status can be until they’ve spent years of their life working towards them. We’re learning that success doesn’t have to be a meteoric rise to the top for a bigger salary – but if it isn’t that, what does it look like?

“I think it’s about being stimulated; having your intellect triggered and your ability recognised,” says Louise Troen, vice president of international marketing and communications at Bumble. We want successful lives, not just successful careers, and that means looking at work holistically. Does it feed my self-worth? Do I have a healthy work-life balance? Do I feel valued?

I asked writer Liv Siddall about the warm, chatty podcast she started last year, which she named Redundancy Radio after, you guessed it, being made redundant. “At the time, my dad kept saying to me, ‘You are not redundant – just say you left. Don’t tell anyone; don’t use that word,’” she says. “But by talking about it and owning it, it doesn’t define me.”

Even Sophia Amoruso, the original #girlboss, filed for bankruptcy and lost her place on Forbes’ list of the richest self-made women (above Taylor Swift and Beyoncé). Now that she’s “failed”, she’s started a new company, Girlboss Media, the mission of which is to “redefine success for millennial women” by exploring subjects from money and self-worth to intersectionality and preventing discrimination in the workplace.

It was the UK’s new legislation in 2018 forcing companies to reveal their pay gaps that made me confront my own complicated relationship with work, money and success. I worked in advertising for 12 years and, aged 30, was made partner of an advertising agency serving global clients such as YouTube and P&G. At 33, I quit because it wasn’t making me happy.

The day the pay-gap figures were published, I looked at the pay disparity at every company I’d worked for. The gap reported by WPP, the agency where I spent my most formative years, was 42.2 per cent. Seeing that figure meant I finally felt validated; I hadn’t imagined the sexism I felt throughout my career. Ironically, it was a triumphant feeling. With our struggle out there in the public domain, my friends and I started talking about work – the good and the bad bits, as well as the money we earn.

As we shared, I realised how many of my previous conversations about work were inauthentic because the money parts were missing. How can you get advice on quitting a full-time job and going freelance (which is what I did) without talking about money? For that conversation to be of real use, you have to say out loud: this is how much my rent is; this is what I could earn per day; this is what I will be risking. By being more transparent about what we earn, we could actually make ourselves better off. In July 2018, a study found people gained more financial confidence from discussing money than from putting it in their savings account, which is pretty crazy.

Some companies are even doing the sharing for us. I asked Hailley Griffis, a PR specialist at US tech company Buffer, which has a transparent pay policy, how she felt about that being public. I looked up her salary – how could I not? A quick Google showed that, with a salary of approximately $127,000, she was the fourth-highest paid in her department. “I am more open with friends now; it adds so much to my conversations,” she told me. “Knowing a friend’s financial situation adds clarity and understanding to what their perspective on a situation might be.”

We’re talking about money and redefining success – but is it all positive? “At the moment, as a woman, going freelance is the ultimate middle finger to the corporate career,” says fashion blogger Brittany Bathgate, who left her retail job to work for herself last year. “Adjusting to freelance has been hard. Some days I didn’t even want to get out of bed, so it’s not the answer for everyone.”

A friend I often work with raises another good point. “If we’re heroing those who choose life-balance, what does it mean in real terms?” she asks. “If I told you I wasn’t that bothered about getting to the top in my field, how would you, as my colleague, feel about that? Would that colour your view of my ability to do my job?”

Then there’s the constant talk of the “portfolio career”. Over a third of 16- to 34-year-olds are balancing at least one project with their regular job, so it’s easy to feel like you’re under-achieving if you don’t have a side hustle.

While we celebrate the “accountant-slash-baker”, we should be real about the 24/7 work schedule that a portfolio career can entail. Sometimes just honing one skill, like passing those accountancy exams, should feel enough. As we broaden our definition of success outside of salary and status, it’s important there’s still room for the women motivated by money. It’s too easy to paint the underpaid as virtuous and, in light of the pay gap, that’s something we definitely don’t want to do. What we do want to do is have honest conversations. So go on, tell your best friend what you earn. It’s okay to admit your dream job isn’t actually that dreamy. You’re allowed to be passionate about being a part-timer – and if you’re happy with your work, say it out loud. It’s you we need to hear from most of all.

Alex Holder is the author of Open Up: The Power Of Talking About Money (Allen & Unwin), out now

SIX TIPS FROM BOZOMA SAINT JOHN, FORMER CHIEF BRAND OFFICER AT UBER, CURRENT CMO AT ENDEAVOUR

BE OPEN TO ANYTHING. We’re in a magical time. Staying at a company for 50 years isn’t our measure of success anymore. Follow your passions, especially with newer industries such as technology or social media. I take my skill set with me from industry to industry; I feel like everything has been building to [where I am now].

HUSTLE MORE. To me, hustling is always trying to find the best solution and never taking no for an answer. Can you find your way around a challenge? Is there a new way to talk to co-workers to find the solution?

FIND ALLIES. It’s important to have colleagues who are allies. If you have people at your level on your side, you’re a powerful force. In times I couldn’t get my idea past a certain point, I’d enlist my colleagues to help. In a meeting they might say, “Boz had this really interesting idea.” You’d be surprised how powerful that can be.

BE CURIOUS. When I’m hiring, I look for people who have a knowledge of pop culture and a fascination with what’s happening in the world. My trick interview question is, “Do you know where Angelina Jolie’s third child was born?” That kind of insight isn’t useless: it’s what connects people and helps you to better understand the intricacies of storytelling. Angelina Jolie’s third child was born in Namibia; perhaps she has an affinity for Africa? If we’re doing something that affects southern Africa, maybe we’ll want to talk to her because she went through a life-changing experience there.

WEAR WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL POWERFUL.What I wear to work is intentional. Everyone has that one item that’s so powerful or beautiful or badass that it makes you feel amazing.

KNOW YOUR WORTH. I’ve never gone into a job interview where, if I waited for them to give a salary, it was at or above my expectation. Now, I do my research. I work out the average for the role; I ask around. Then, I go in with my case and say what I’m expecting. That way, nobody can ever low-ball you._>

SUPER IS A FEMINIST ISSUE. Women retire with about 34 per cent less in super than men, says Bianca Hartge-Hazelman, a financial journalist and the founder of women’s financial literacy site Financy. “That’s because we earn less than men, because we take time out of the workforce to care for kids, and because when we do go back to work, it’s often on a part-time basis, all of which affects your retirement savings,” says Hartge-Hazelman. You might be decades away from retiring, but by paying a little attention – and money – to your super now, when the time comes you’ll be sipping on French champagne rather than four-X.

The good news is that the government is finally stepping up with women’s super. In 2018 it introduced two new measures to help close the super gap. These are a bit technical, but hang in there. Everyone can contribute $25,000 per year to super at a concessional (lower) tax rate of 15 per cent. But now you can roll over any unused concessional contributions from the past five years, which lets women who have taken time out to have children catch up on that period of lost contributions. The other new measure is an extended “spouse contribution tax offset”. It means the higher-earning partner in any relationship can make tax-reduced super contributions on behalf of their lower-earning partner (if it’s less than $37,000).

Great – so the government’s coming to the party. And now the super industry is, too, with the launch in December of a women’s-only super fund, Verve. “It pauses super fees while you’re on parental leave [and not contributing to super], which can really erode your balance,” says Hartge-Hazelman. It also keeps its fees low and invests in ethical companies (no tobacco, logging or oil companies) that also have women on their boards. But the third piece in the puzzle is you.

What can you do to increase your super balance? Here are four top tips from Hartge-Hazelman:

1. “Make super part of your pay discussion. A lot of employers are now paying super while people are on parental leave. Or can they pay your bonus in the form of a super contribution? If you’re thinking of looking for a new job or making a career change, consider super.”

2. “Work out how much you’re going to need in retirement – the government MoneySmart website has a calculator. How might you get up to that amount? Are you earning enough? What can you do to progress your pay? It could be through further education or just negotiating for a higher salary.”

3. “If you’re in a relationship and planning to have a baby, talk to your partner about how taking time out will affect your super. Can he top up your fund?”

4. “Learn about how you can benefit from these changes to super. And make super part of your thinking.”

IF YOU’VE MANAGED TO SQUIRREL AWAY a bit of cash and are wondering where to stash it for the best interest rate, listen up. There’s been a revolution in investing and that’s great news for those of us who find the stock market a total headspin and financial advisers expensive and intimidating.

“Money in the bank is going backwards,” explains Effie Zahos, former editor of Money magazine and author of A Real Girl’s Guide To Money. “We have to start investing – even just a small amount – and the sooner the better. The magic of compound interest is just amazing.”

Like most revolutions these days, the investment revolution is all to do with robots. Robo-advisers are a new type of investment company that’s all online and much simpler than traditional investing (they’re disruptors just like Uber and Airbnb, says Zahos. “Disruptors are all similar – they offer straightforward, low fees and good service.”)

You pick a robo-adviser (see right) and answer questions on its website about your income, assets, goals and risk profile (how much risk you’re happy to take with your cash – remember, the stock market rises and falls, meaning you can lose money in the short-term, but so far in the long-term it’s always risen). Then your robo-adviser uses algorithms, rather than an overpaid wolf of Wall Street, to invest your cash into low-cost index funds, usually exchange-traded funds (ETFs), which have been proven to give better returns than most traditional, more expensive, managed funds. Then watch your money grow (hopefully) from the comfort of your phone. No anxiously tracking individual stocks, no paying a fat cat hefty fees, and good returns on your money. Win win.

STOCKSPOT’S minimum investment is $2,000, and if you invest under $10,000, it’s free for the first six months. Invest more than $10,000 and you pay $5.50 per month, plus admin fees of 0.39% to 0.66% and management fees of 0.26% to 0.28%, depending on how much you invest. Its returns are 5.6% to 7.9%.

INVESTSMART’S minimum investment is $10,000, and its fees sit at $5.50 a month, plus an advice fee of 0.55%, brokerage of $60, and a management fee of 0.2%. Returns are 5.29% to 9.27%.

RAIZ’S minimum investment is a teeny $5, and its fees are $15 per year for less than $5,000 invested, or 0.275% for more than $5,000. Its ETF fees (exchange-traded fund) are 0.22% to 0.42%, and it charges a transaction fee of 0.04%. But its returns are 10.1%.

SIX PARK’S minimum investment is $10,000, and it has tiered fees from 0.5% to 0.3% of your investment, plus ETF fees of 0.25%. Its returns are 3.5% to 10.8%.

QUIETGROWTH’S minimum investment is $2,000, and it’s free for investments up to $10,000. Then it has tiered fees from 0.55% to 0.66%, plus ETF and buy/sell fees. Its returns aren’t available on a short-term basis.

CLOVER’S minimum investment is $2,500, and its fees are 0.66% plus ETF fees of 0.19%. Its returns are 3.8% to 11.8%._>